I recently read an article in “Fostering Families Today,” July/August 2017, titled “Partnering with Youth Through Transitions to Adulthood” by Shatiea Blount.
I really enjoyed this article and I want to share it with you. I have several children. They are of varying ages. Two are over 18 already, one is a teenager and three are still very little. All children grow up so fast. I remember when the older ones were small and it does seem like yesterday. However, no matter how many times I “go through this process,” I am never ready for it.
This article lists four general strategies to help parents deal with and support their youth as they transition to adulthood. They are:
1: Employ a Journey Mindset
2: Encourage Decision-Making
3: Notice Everything and #4 Promote Interdependence and Lifelong Connections.
To employ a journey mindset, Blount says it is important to remember that your role is to usher your child safely towards adulthood. Each child is on a personal journey of his/her own, different from the next. Parents need to remember that their children may struggle through this process, but it is their struggle and we cannot “do it for them”, but only guide them on their way and be there to support them throughout. It is also not ours to do. They are not supposed to be mini-versions of ourselves.
To encourage decision making, Blount says parents should think of themselves as guides instead of conductors or as GPS systems instead of drivers. Youth may deviate from the path or ignore instructions from the navigator, but then it is up to the parents to show them alternate routes, and continue to guide them but not force them. Parents can do this through sharing their own experiences, advising, pointing out pros and cons while still maintaining rules and boundaries. Still, youth must experience first-hand the consequences, rewards or outcomes of their own decisions in order for them to truly understand how their choices impact their situations. When errors do occur it is important for parents to reframe the failure as a learning experience for their children.
Third, Blount says that it is important for parents to notice everything because young adults are naturally self-centered. They are still trying to figure out who they are and how they fit into this world. So many times, every day, we hear on the news, read in the papers, or see on social media, all of the negative stuff going on in the world. It is important to pay attention to the good things that happen, especially when it comes to our children. We must applaud their skills, strengths, successes and efforts.
Youth need to know they are valued at all times even when they make mistakes.
Finally, Blount says that parents should help youth understand that they will be there for them well-beyond the child reaching adulthood. At the same time, it is important for our young adults to establish relationships, bonds and friendships with community members, mentors, resources and other caring adults outside the family. By encouraging these other connections, youth will transition to adulthood with interdependence and independence at the same time. They will understand what it means to be on their own and still having a support system to help them.
I really enjoyed this article. I definitely reinforced some things for me as I try to be there for all of my children from early on all the way through and into adulthood. I think I need to call my parents and apologize for the difficulties I intentionally and unintentionally caused them.
I also need to thank them for helping me through that difficult period in my young adult life (even though it was many years ago) as well thank them for all the support they gave and still continue to give me and my family today.
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