What happens in Vegas doesn't stay there

By JACK H. SMITH

Staff Writer

While a lot of my fellow Americans were making their way to Apple Stores last week to see if they could bend the display models for the iPhone 6 or to properly secure their houses to prevent any intrusion from Ebola zombies, I found myself making the nine-hour voyage to Las Vegas.

The popular marketing slogan states that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but if that were the case I should probably stop typing now.

After a chaotic literally earth shaking trip to California during the summer, I was not exactly keen about the thought of traveling again so soon, but rooms and tickets had been purchased and there was no backing out.

The closer the trip got, I was super excited to sit ringside for UFC 178 and spend time with my girlfriend and her family.

The trip did not disappoint. Although it was just for two nights and two of the days had 9 hours drives, I had a blast and it will be a trip I’ll always remember.

Over the course of the trip, I did however dissect Las Vegas and the people that visit. Think of this as a user guide to some of the best people watching in the United States of America.

This is not a microcosm of everyone who visits, but just a taste of the city that never sleeps.

The Frat Boys

When they say what happens in Vegas stays in the Vegas, this is the reason why. The moment you go to check the room at the casino they are standing in line with perfectly placed product in their hair and enough cologne to choke a horse. Even when they are gone, the smell lingers as if you had just rolled around in the ads from GQ magazine. With their collars popped they talk about the utter chaos they plan and all the night clubs they will pick up woman at. Fast forward to later in the evening and they are drinking mass quantities out of some sort of large football or bird shaped glass that could hold enough to get an elephant drunk. Fast forward to even later and they are hooping and hollering on the way to club. While I was in bed before midnight both nights, I’m sure they emerge from the clubs at 2 a.m., ready to rock n roll till about 6 a.m. and are not seen again till the next days dinner.

Girl’s Night Out

Much like the previous mentioned frat boys, the girl’s night out crowd could be seen in the long check out lines. Unlike the men, they did not leave a smell and were dressed quite comfortably as they waited for their room. Later in the evening they would emerge from their rooms, looking quite ravishing, but making it crystal clear they were the star of the show. The groups would usually be around four to five woman and instead of walking in single file, they would walk five across, taking up a huge amount of space. It was their night, their trip and they don’t take crap from anyone. After a nice dinner, they would start perusing the clubs. I’ll never understand the new trend of pants pulled up to the waist like it’s 1920, but they did look nice.

The funny thing was that later in the evening they were often times not in the group of five any more. It had broken down into groups of two or three and a night of drinking, gambling and dancing had produced tired like zombies who slowly weaved their way through the casino.

I’ve been here for 80 hours.

Obviously there is plenty to do in Vegas, but the city was built and still revolves around gambling. With this group I’m not talking about the rich high roller with the 10-gallon hat from Texas, I’m talking about the average Joe sitting at a slot machine hour after hour.

Gambling can be a lot of fun and I don’t mind it at all. But there are those certain people that will arrive at 2 p.m., hit the machines and never leave. While I was heading to my room, I noticed a woman that was gambling at a machine. She had zen like focus on her face as she chained smoked cigarettes and sipped on a coke. A few hours later I returned to the casino and she was still there. About four hours later when I was headed back to the room she was still there. By now she had switched to what appeared to be a gin and tonic, still with a cigarette in her mouth. When I rushed to the casino in the morning to quickly place a bet on the Wyoming game (bad idea) she was still there. In the same clothes. Had she not slept? Had she been there the whole time? At a point she finally was not there, but this is commitment.

She wasn’t in Vegas to party, she wasn’t there for a show or fight. She was there to gamble. I’m hoping she did OK and didn’t spend the grandkids college fund.

Why did we bring the kids?

Unlike the Vegas of the 1950s, it is now far more kid friendly. At Circus Circus they have an Adventure Dome with a couple roller coasters and an ton of kid-friendly stuff. A lot of families choose to make this a vacation and we did the same and had a ton of fun with the kids.

What I did find was that when the adult and kid funs starts to mix into each other, the true chaos begins. I saw one father, who also had a giant drink, I think it was what appeared to be a 100 oz boot, chasing his kids and spilling beer all over the place. He finally spilled it as his kids were playing hide-and-go seek among the tourists and various shops. I saw another father trying to play slots and his kids continually run up to him. Each time security would have them leave and it was a repetitious cycle that finally ended with security have him get off the machine.

On the first night I was making the long trip to the room when I saw what must have been a grandma truly have a melt down.

I saw two kids running to get on the escalator. She was carrying a bunch of their toys and a large pizza when she stopped in her tracks.

“Oh Lord, be still boys. Oh Lord and Jesus, be still on that escalator boys,” she screamed.

It was quite comical, but I felt for her. I’m sure the parents were probably off having a ton of fun, while poor grandma had to do the dirty work.

Next time I go, I may not even go to a fight I’m just going to find a comfortable chair and add to the list.