Green River Star -

By Jack H. Smith
Staff Writer 

It's the little (embarrassing) things that stick out

 


Embarrassing things happen from time to time, and we all have those moments in life we’d like to forget.

For some reason, I always seem to find my self in some self-caused predicament I cannot seem to live down for a really long time.

Last week I had one of these unfortunate experiences with some really awful timing.

Since it’s over and done with and the damage is done, I can find humor in a life filled with some pretty epic disasters.

Sometimes sharing a story can be a remedy, and the laugh can heal the sting that comes along with making an idiot of yourself.

Late last week I took a vacation day and went out of state for a meeting.

The drive up was a disaster. I took what Google Maps said was the quickest way, but I think they were just messing with me.

In a 400-mile trip, I must have hit about 25 different state highways and at one point I think I was driving right through an alfalfa field. I don’t mean a road by a field, I mean right in the middle of it. I thought for a moment this was going to be some weird “Children of the Corn” type scenario and I’d never make my way back to Wyoming.

When they mean the quickest way, it is correct, but there are some short cuts that are a bit scary and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have been driving where I was far too many times.

Finally I arrived at my destination and I was so stressed out from the drive I tried my luck at a casino. This went very well and I still have some money in my pocket from a four-of-a-kind.

My meeting was set for the next morning and initially it went very well. We went to breakfast and talked about a lot of things. The people I met with were down to earth, and really made me feel at ease. It turns out maybe I felt a little too at ease.

After breakfast, we went over to the office to discuss a few more things. I was listening intently when I felt my stomach start to rumble. It wasn’t just a normal noise after a big meal.

The rumble meant there was going to be trouble and it was going to happen soon.

I glanced around the office, and saw that their was a bathroom, but the door looked very thin, and the bathroom which had been added to the building, did not have a ceiling. The top was open.

Whatever sort of chaos I caused in there would be known by all, and that’s not really away to introduce yourself.

I decided I would hold back from using the bathroom as long as it took.

It seemed like everything was going to be ok. My stomach was starting to feel better. I was once again comfortable.

Than out of nowhere it hit.

If I didn’t pass gas soon I thought I was going to pass out.

I literally had to clench my cheeks to hold the gas in and was just about ready to excuse myself to go outside when it happened.

A fart slipped out.

There was nothing I could do about it. It just happened.

Of course it couldn’t just be silent.

It was a squeaker.

It sounded like Mickey Mouse was having a shouting match with Minnie.

There was no doubt everyone in the room heard it.

I was at a loss for words. I know I should say something, but my mind started working in overdrive.

Maybe they thought it really was a mouse. Maybe it was my jacket squeaking from a slight movement.

In my mind, it seemed like eternity passed before anything was said, but it was back to business.

Maybe I had gotten away with it?

There were four people in the room, so maybe they thought it was someone other than me.

While I certainly hadn’t forgot about the fart, my mind had moved on, when I started to smell what I had done.

It wasn’t subtle at all.

It smelled like passing a cattle truck on a hot summer day.

I’m sure everyone within a six-mile radius was disgusted, but things continued very well.

I was very happy with the way the meeting was going and I was going to take a break and go relax at my hotel.

Moments before I left, I went to walk to a different part of the office and another one slipped out.

Another stupid squeaker.

Is this really happening to me?

Luckily, this one was far enough away that I don’t think anyone heard it.

I’m not sure if I was ever nabbed for being the culprit, and I really didn’t mean for this to happen.

Hopefully nobody knew any better, but I did. It’s funny now, but not at the time.

Sometimes things in life happen at really inopportune times, best smile at it, cause it’s going to happen again.

 

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